You’re welcome!  I can see how that would drive you nuts and how you would want answers from him, it’s a betrayal! He betrayed you and that feels awful and I’m sure a big part of you wants to hear what he has to say for himself. You’re not crazy and what you’re feeling is normal. I’ve even been there myself… I had an ex that cheated on me a lot and I found out through messages on his computer, and I can tell you that nothing he said made me feel any better about what he did. Even when he apologized, I couldn’t trust him anymore and his words didn’t heal the betrayal. It’s just something he shouldn’t have done in the first place, and an honest and loyal man would never even think of betraying you in that way. Plus, if you give him a chance to talk to you, even if it’s just to get some answers, you’re much more likely to end up back in that situation (if he sweet-talks you and makes you feel like he knows he made a mistake and it “won’t happen again”), which honestly sounds like a dangerous situation for you to be in.

I think if you just give yourself some time to process what you’ve found out, let yourself go through the stages… grief, anger, etc., feel them all and then let them pass, and after some time you will feel better and I’m sure you’ll be glad you were able to get out of this situation before it got REALLY bad.  I have a friend who was with a man who did those kinds of things… she was attached to him so much, though, that it took him almost killing her for her to finally leave. He had knocked her out and she woke up as he was dragging her into a lake. She was able to get away though, thankfully, and he is now in jail. So it’s a blessing that you got out of that situation before it went that far for you, too.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Valora.