I agree a life that makes sense sounds good. I hope to do this for myself. I don’t think paying rent and bills make sense for me right now. It is so stressful on top of all of the stress I already have. I’m thinking the Roomate situation was a better deal. But then again when I was in that situation I was uncomfortable. But the more I learn about the fight or flight system I am doomed for this feeling until I get it under control.

I am not sure how this will sound or if you can relate having been abused and in distress for so long yourself but I don’t know what to do for myself sometimes. Like my brain doesn’t have the capacity sometimes to take care of me. I was never taught this so I do forgive myself. I was taught nothing more than survival and self sabotage. So sometimes I don’t even know what it is that I need. I think my trauma therapist noticed this recently and she made some comments that weren’t too sympathetic to it. So I’ve been debating if I want to see her again. But so unsure. Very similar to all of the dozens of red flags with my ex and family and I stayed in that abuse. It is so sad to feel like I don’t know how to make the right decisions or plays for myself. I try my hardest and sometimes still fail. Truly trying to get to a better place with this but everyday my mind changes on what I need. How can I figure this out? Today I think moving to Florida is what I need tomorrow I may think here it is and I just need time to heal and rest. It’s exhausting and something most people don’t understand.