Dear cali sister:

Good- I didn’t know if what I wrote to her was adequate, or enough. Didn’t want to go on and on about it in the post to her. I am relieved that you find it satisfactory!

Regarding your post before recent:

“I wonder how I will handle this experience tonight. Maybe just mention it in one sentence, cheers, and then move on. I feel foolish now for gathering them all”-

– You wrote earlier: “Oh, excuse my anger.. but.. WHAT ABOUT MY VACATIONS AND MY BIRTHDAYS?”

This evening is YOUR celebration. It is not going to be easy to make your life your own from now on, to make yourself the center of.. your own life. It will feel weird, but with practice, over time and being persistent with the practice, being patient with the slow nature of this kind of progress- you will make it happen.

So  tonight is an opportunity for you to practice this- you decide how to celebrate your own achievement. Thing is with our behavior in society, when others are present, part of us being authentic and genuine is considering the others. It is so because we are social animals, so considering others is part of being true to ourselves. For  example, let’s say you feel like talking endlessly about your parents this evening, but you know that will be painful for your friends to sit through this, so you don’t go on and on. But a few minutes of a speech about what you accomplished and why- absolutely!

You wrote: “I feel that I trapped my parents- and I know they are not handling it well”- they were not worried about leaving you alone when your dog died, you being trapped alone with the smell  of your dead beloved dog, were they? They were not  worried when uninviting you numerous times, and your mother wasn’t worried that you will be negatively affected by her repeated false message that you will cause your father a heart attack, was she?

Think of this: parents who don’t care about their daughter to such an extent, what is it that troubles them in regard to your NC- I mean, if your emotions mean nothing to them, what is it that they are missing, or .. what is it that they lost???

anita