I’m quite a bit younger than you guys and haven’t experienced such a long-term relationship, but I kind of feel like the loss of physical attraction is somewhat common as people age, as unfortunate as that is, so it’s possible she might not find you as physically attractive as she once did, especially if you’ve changed a lot in appearance over the last 20 years. She also might be experiencing a drop in libido in general and may have said those things because she doesn’t have much interest in sex, so they were said as a way to repel you from her physically rather than attract you. In that case, it might really not have anything to do with you at all.

My advice in this case might not be very helpful probably because I’m not sure what can be done to change it (unless you have let go of yourself, in which case, doing Anita’s suggestions above of working out, dressing better, etc., would probably work wonders), but it might be helpful at least for your emotional state to fully accept that this is a natural flow for many relationships as people get older and many tend to lose physical attractiveness. It says absolutely nothing about your worth or value as a person or to her as she is still with you and seems as if she wants to be with you, so even though she doesn’t vocalize it, I’m sure she finds a lot of value in having a relationship with you, and it might help you to feel better emotionally if you focus on that instead, at least in the way of self-esteem.

Actually, if your self-esteem has been low, that can reduce attractiveness as well, so it might be helpful to rebuild confidence by shifting your own focus to all of your other wonderful attributes and what you have to offer, which is actually worlds more important to women than physical attractiveness, believe it or not. Her attraction toward you is far more likely to come back (because that is something that can come and go, too) if you are showing real confidence…. unless it’s a low libido thing for her, in which case her lack of attraction is stemming from her own issues.