Dear cali sister:

From your yesterday post and today: “did you sometimes after you did it (NC) almost forgot that you went NC?.. It is weird- it’s like I need this constant reminders. People to keep telling me. And then I feel it again.. – is this dissociation”- reads to me that it is adjustment to something new, it takes time for something as new and revolutionary as what you did, to sink in.

I will be glad to remind you, by the way- you did it, cali sister, you did it !!!!!!

Your mother’s emphasis on making and keeping friends is/ has been insane, very extreme. Interesting how with so muuuuuuuch emphasis, I don’t think she experienced a single friendship in her life- not with her husband whom she bullied, not with any of her daughters, not with anyone.

What she had with Maria- that was something crazy, some dysfunctional re-enactment of something. Not a friendship.

Isn’t it interesting how a person emphasizing friendship so often, so consistently, so passionately, didn’t experience a single friendship in her life?

Regarding your dream, “I went home- and the NC was  not spoken of”- this made me think of the No- Contact that was your childhood experience, in the old home of your childhood and the newer one= how lonely and isolated you were, all alone with your thoughts and feelings. And at times truly alone as in no  one there, when you needed someone there.

anita