Dear Cali Chica:

I noticed that intensity in your eyes, that first photo you sent me, in the subway. Stern, intense- far from any image of a care free, light face. Heavy, not light. This is the face of a very loyal CC, loyal to her mother. Long after NC. Still loyal.

You were born as carefree and light and loving baby, no less than any other. Then you got stuck in her Story.

To get stuck in a story, a two  dimensional story that never changes (because it is a story that already happened and is not happen-ing), that means you have to be two dimensional yourself. It is as if you are stuck in a closed book, you don’t have the space to be anything but a page stuck in a closed book.

It is her Story, a closed book story.

When your sister asked you if you love your husband, she pointed to a space in that book that you don’t have- a third dimension.

To keep with the imagery- the page in the book that is you, it has a whole lot of writing and it is very intelligent, it is a whole lot of words but very little soft emotion, that third dimension.

As tragic as it is that you are stuck in that 2 dimensional story that is not even yours, you feel quite comfortable in it because you’ve been spending so much time in that 2D existence. Asked about 3D (soft emotion)- why, this is different, uncomfortable. Part of you doesn’t want that 3D.

You and I have to do something about this right here,  on your thread. We shouldn’t keep being engaged in 2D, in Her Story. We have to do the 3rd dimension.

Two  ways to do that- past or present, both, better do both. It is time for you to see differently, to feel differently, to get unstuck. Time you tell your own story. For example, you can start with the Disney World story and tell it as your story, not hers.

There may be a third way of course, I am brainstorming here.

anita