Dear K,

Both you and your ex(?) has communications issues. But lets focus on you since you started this topic.

You met a person whom you feel attraction to, but like many people in their twenties, have yet to figure out to talk to other people and ironically the other person is also in their twenties. Though you’ve spent time and some effort in getting to know this person, you don’t know how to tell him about yourself. You don’t know how to tell him about your insecurities, your weakness, your jealousy, your frustration, etc. So when he does something that trigger something in you that makes it seems as if the world was dead set on getting you, you lashed out. You lashed out in violent waves of texts, and then waiting for his response, to see if he has had enough of having to deal with you and your emotional outburst. You lashed out because that’s the only way you know how to communication your fear to this person who might or might not accept this side of you. But as you’ve gotten to understand, making the other the person the ‘bad guy’ will not help you work out the issues of your self-esteem nor is calling others ‘bimbo’ going to help make you feel better. Superior, maybe, but not better. After all, he is not the one who decides whether you have self-esteem, that’s all on you.

So what does a twenties something female do when she has self-esteem issues who is drinking all the while to numb those feelings away and who lashes out while drunk? Well, first off, good on you for noticing and admitting these things. It is not easy to admit to ourselves how we think we might be failing as human beings. Second, go get help. You need help. You yourself have stated that you have self-esteem issues that are clearly circling your head, but you don’t seem to have seek help for that. Why? Or maybe you did and it wasn’t a great experience. Well, you’ll have to try it again with a different professional then, until you find the person who can listen and help. You feel lost so more than ever, you need someone who will help you draw your own map of emotions and thoughts and whys and whats and anything else that you need to see for yourself. You need to see yourself.

But you know what? It’s fine to be lost. People get lost all the time. The problem is choosing a path as you wander around. And it could be any path, it doesn’t have to be the right one. But it does have to be one you can believe in and commit to. So commit to something, no matter how lost you feel. The important point is that you take action in some way. And once you do, it becomes easier to take another step, and another and another. And you might fall and fail in the first step or the second or the third. Get up anyway. You’ve already decided to commit for yourself this act of taking a step so continue to take that step. Even if you fail, continue until you’ve found a semblance of the outcome you were hoping for. But don’t take actions based on your perception of someone’s perception of you. These actions must be based on doing something good for yourself, not others.

Good luck.