I never really thought I had OCD, and I never obsessed over anything else, just this. I’ve obsessed over ex’s in a way when I was with them, but that’s all I can really think of.

I don’t really know what disassociations I’ve had. All I know is that I feel neutral towards him when I feel like I should feel deeply towards him, I feel normal and smile a little when he would send me long loving paragraphs when I feel as if I should feel more happier and loved knowing that I’ve wanted to be sent long loving paragraphs for years, when we talk about our future and things we want to do, I feel like I should feel a stronger physical feeling and happiness instead of only wanting it badly inside my head, and when he’s gone, I feel like I should miss him more than I really do.