Brandy,

i appreciate you being real with me, as i expect the truth. Thats what im here for.

she has told me to leave it be. Thats what i planned to do. If she decides to talk to me again, i wasnt going to just take it and pick back up, i feel that she deserved a full truthful explanation. If it runs her off, then i can live with it.

writing her a letter after she has told me to leave it be, is that a good idea? She has said shes moved on so shouldnt i respect what she is telling me?

when i talk of the physical part, im going to get more shame for this but i will tell the honest truth. My initial attraction was there for sure. We did not hook up for weeks, which honestly is rare in my recent dating years. The first few times were great but as that time wore on, i started to focus on specific things. She had lost a good bit of weight prior to us meeting, and i could tell in her physique once the clothes were off. Once my focus was drawn to this, my interest level went down and i had a hard time with the hooking up part, to the point that the last time it happened, i was basically useless. I apologized when this happened and she told me “dont ever feel the need to apologize for this aspect”.

At that point, i thought to myself that this definitely isnt going to work. With everything compounded in my head, im checking out so i did.

now reading back on everything, im shallow and very quick to make judgmental decisions, im well aware. This is all a lesson to learn, and when i said i could work on the physical part, i mean it. I want to grown into being a more accepting person, and not having so many “hang ups” that have led me to this point at my age.

will that cause me grief in my future? I dont know, but it sure has caused me grief to this point, so how much worse can it get?