Anita

I really like the suggestion to “turn the light on” before getting involved with someone else. I thought that’s what I did this most recent time but I’m noticing ignoring my gut feeling about people has always backfired on me. This girl was not malicious in any way, but my gut was telling me she didn’t know herself well which I’ve found can also be harmful in relationships when one person is out of touch with themselves.

My attachment issues were triggered by her by the second week of us dating, my roommate noticed it and pointed it out to me yet I chose to ignore it, I’m trying to learn to sit with emotional discomfort and nothing makes me more uncomfortable than trying to form intimate attachments. I don’t think I handled the situation poorly as I have in the past, I was trying my best to maintain composure. I’m just alarmed at how morbid I became after being let down by this girl. I fear the impulsivity in myself when overwhelmed with emotions+Activated negative core beliefs. I’ve all but stopped reaching out for help for some reason, I think Im still trying to prove to myself I don’t need anyone, I don’t think I’ve been humbled enough to truly call on support when needed, the only reason I got help this time around is because I live with a good friend. Normally no one would ever hear me cry or see my pain.

i feel a severe lack of guidance in my life. To my astonishment you have been a great source of guidance for me, my therapist, and that’s about it. Otherwise when I’m in these emotional crisis I don’t feel understood. I need guidance to feeling connection, I’ve been considering maybe I’ve been too focused on connecting with people, and not enough with the rest of the universe. Some of my most peaceful moments have come when alone in the woods with only other animals and plant life, yet I struggle currently to feel deep spiritual connection with the world.

I want to feel motivated and secure in my life, I struggle with  frequent  burnout and don’t get refilled enough. My fear is that I won’t be able to do my job effectively if I don’t start taking better care of myself outside of work