Anita

I practice meditation daily, I also journal 3-4x week. Both of these exercises help me to slow down. I noticed it was more difficult for me to meditate when I was dating this time because My monkey mind couldn’t stay off wanting to be around her, and it was very distracting. Since this spring I’ve gotten back into skateboarding regularly and it has been a lifesaver, I struggle to find things that completely blank my mind but skateboarding does it for me, I get to zone out for a couple hours each day and be in flow. It requires my full attention or else. Since the winter is setting in I haven’t been able to skate as much and I’m becoming depressed again.

The more I’ve thought the past couple days and resisted reaching out to her again I realized I feel very desperate. I realized I don’t have faith that the universe will take care of me, or that opportunities will be there for me in the future, basically hopeless. This hopelessness has always been there to try to keep me safe from continuing to reach out and take risks. It really wants me to be depressed, and safe. I’m struggling to believe that connection is in my future anymore.