You don’t need to feel bad about acknowleding your fears. The first step to improve is to realize where you need to put in some work. Also, your fear resonates with me a lot. That’s what I used to think, that my ex was my only and one true love, that I had no chance in finding that again.

It’s a good thing that you already know what can be the source of your feelings right now. When we feel unloved as a child, we seek for love outside of ourselves when adults. All the love that you need is within you…this sounds super cliche, but in my experience, this was the answer for me: self-love.

When I learned that being accepting, compassionate and loving with myself I realized that there wasn’t a void anymore, that I was expecting other people to fill. When you feel empty, you wish someone will come and fill you but that’s not how it works because you’re putting the responsibility of your own happiness into someone else’s hands.

About meditation, you dont need to spend money on it. There are a lot of good guided meditations apps like Calm, Insight Timer etc – they’re mostly free. Also some good teachers on youtube. I’d recommend you to search up Sarah Blondin, she has a pretty good podcast on soundclound and youtube called Live Awake. Give it a try and tell me how you feel.