Dear Kkasxo:

You referred yesterday (Dec 5, 2019) to the event or events of summer 2018, which constitute the Trauma in your diagnosed PTSD as “the most hurtful, soul destroying and traumatic time of my life”. You wrote that your “flashbacks happen a lot.. it all brings the immense pain of it all back every single time”, that you are “so full of pain and destruction”, that you will never get over your trauma, (“I honestly am too aware of the fact that I will never ever get over my trauma. It’s so crystal clear”), that it is “like a life sentence”, that “it always comes back. always”, and it takes away your will to live.

Having read that, I thought that maybe I can bring something to light that will be helpful:

November 2018, you wrote about your boyfriend: “he caused it”, it being the Trauma of summer 2018. “he caused it and knew full well what he was doing while it was happening.. He has betrayed me, in a way that was impossible”.

You were in contact with him at the time, Nov 2018, and you wrote regarding what how your contact with him was affecting you: “he is hindering my progress… when we are together now all the feelings of hurt and betrayal arise again, there is an awful lot of resentment and anger towards him and his family for allowing this event t happen in the first place. for breaking me this way”.

My input today: you are currently living with the man you who you state has caused the Trauma in your diagnosed and ongoing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. How can this possibly be healthy for a victim of PTSD to voluntarily live with the source of the Trauma?

I mean, how is it possible that neither one of your family members who are aware of your diagnosis and the source of your Trauma, as well as the professionals who diagnosed you and provided you with therapy on the matter, how is it possible that they are okay with you living with the source of your Trauma. It is mind boggling.

If the issue was a breakup and a reconcilation, than it’s one thing, and you are simply back with your boyfriend. But if he is the source of your trauma, and you were diagnosed with PTSD based on the trauma that he inflicted on you, then it is no longer an issue of a breakup and a reconciliation, it is an issue of mental health:

a victim of PTSD is not supposed to be in contact with, let alone be living with, in an intimate relationship with the source of their diagnosed and active PTSD.

anita