@kkasxo

My mind has gone into longing mode again. Stubbornness & pride stopped me contacting him after our third break up, there didn’t seem to be any point. So I muddled along as best I could. That stupid text, which probably was nothing to him, has thrown me for a loop again. Opening up the thoughts of contacting him again, should I, should I not… It’s silly I know, but it’s how I feel. I could say something self critical here but I won’t, because I’m trying to change & grow and being mad at myself for having these thoughts and feelings is not being nice to myself. It’s telling myself it’s not okay to be who I am.

So I still miss him. I wonder was the message his attempt to open up communication, I wonder was it just because I told him in the past to contact me on my bday. Will I forget about it on a couple of weeks again and be able to continue on my life as I had been? I’ve no clue.

I think you might be on to something regarding the CV. It’s all about algorithms and things these days I’m told! Maybe it might be worth looking at mine again.

I’m so sorry you’re hurting it. I do think it’s important though to not give yourself such definite negative messages that you are always broken etc. Maybe…..maybe not. None of us are clairvoyant, I can’t say how I’ll feel in 5 years time. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be living with the vividness of the memories, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ve read and seen people recover and be happy after the most horrific traumas. So have hope. Don’t lose that.

Therapy is fairly important in the treatment of PTSD I believe so I wonder would there be any opportunity to apply for another 6wk round of therapy? Remember too that I and others are always here on this forum if you need to vent or clear your head or need a word or two to convince you that ‘this too shall pass’. Absolutely nothing in this life is permanent, no matter how much your mind might try to convince it otherwise.

You’re smart, funny, kind, resilient and caring. It’s tough……yes……but you’re tougher. Start telling yourself that regularly. X