I’ve been blindsided with a breakup of a long-term relationship with right before a holiday, and I’m not going to lie. It’s devastating. It completely ruins the joy of the holiday. BUT… you said what you said and he pulled it out of you, and that’s at least partially on him for making you spit it out. I think you’re just going to have to ride it out and deal with the guilty feelings you have because nothing is going to stop you from having them, even if he stops talking to you or you block him.  If you do block him, it’s likely to hurt him worse. You might feel a little better, but he’s going to feel like you don’t care at all and you’re still going to know he’s in pain, so you’ll still feel guilty.

If you really want to ease it for him, just let him vent. He may not be actually intending to guilt trip you, no matter how much it seems, but just may be in a lot of pain and cannot understand where this is coming from and is just saying whatever he feels he needs to say to you. It’s also quite a shock to the system when you go from talking to someone every day for years to feeling like you can’t or they won’t be there for you.  You have had months to sort of start detaching from him emotionally, while he’s only had literally days, so while his reaction might be showing emotional immaturity, it’s understandable in this case.  A blindsiding breakup (and yes, it is blindsiding if he didn’t think you were going to tell him you wanted to break up when he asked you to spit it out) after years together really can be traumatic, and it’s going to take him some time to settle down from the emotions that it brought up, and while his reaction is taking it’s toll on you, I can guarantee it’s likely taking more of one on him.  I’m not saying this to make you feel any more guilty because this situation just is what it is and both of your reactions are normal, especially with the awful timing, but maybe it will help you to be able to put up with this while he vents a little easier… and if you know that you can help him get through it by letting him vent or talk to you, being honest, remaining friendly (but not romantic, which was a good idea on your part so as to not give him the wrong idea)… maybe that could actually ease your guilt a little.

I love Anita’s idea of seeing a counselor together, too.  It is a LOOOTTT easier to get over a breakup when you understand what happened, and a counselor can help mediate a discussion to sort of hash things out, and a counselor would also likely agree that you guys are young with a lot of life left to experience and heading in different directions, so a relationship isn’t going to work long-term in this case, and maybe hearing that from someone else with you all in a room together would help it sink in and ease his pain, as well.