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Reply To: My extreme feelings kill me

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December 23, 2019 at 12:06 pm #329141
Gaia
Participant
  • I remember as a child we were alone driving in car and out of the blue I asked her if I was different from others. This started a very heavy, long discussion in which she expressed concern for this question of mine (I can’t recall what she said, I can only remember she kept on this topic til we got home and I got to bed and I can recall her in the end asking what is that I needed, “maybe a more present, stay-in home mom?” I can also only remember that in my opinion I asked a very innocent simple answer but that she kept on dwelling on this half of the day)
  • When I was 12 I was just minding my business in afternoon til she called upon me and started sharing that she always saw me as “sad and lonely” that I only had “1 friend” and stuff like this. I remember not taking it very lightly cause it made me feel shitty with myself and uncomfortable. I already intuitively felt like she projects sadness and loneliness and negativity everywhere and on everyone btw
  • One evening me and my sister started to argue/fight pretty roughly and she kicked in by slapping us both and causing both of us to go to sleep crying. The next morning I was very enraged with her but she was the first talking saying “thanks for making me spend the nicest/happiest Easter evening of my life” sarcastically
  • She yelling that she was “going to wake in 1/2 hours” those few times I get home pretty late in summer! Crying like something tragic and serious happened while to me it just wasn’t that big deal
  • I also recall her being dramatic in general not only with me. Feeling sick physically but lamenting it without properly medicating, doing tragic facial expressions, crying whenever we cried, expressing through facial expressions and moaning how exhausted she was from work, duties, poor health, etc etc