Anita

thank you for your reply and genuinely wanting to help. I’m not sure you can do anything other than what you have been for me. It’s very comforting to know that you will always respond to me when your able to, something I’ve not always had in my life and I’m very grateful for. I don’t know there’s anything anyone can do for me honestly. It seems nothing is ever what I need, maybe I still don’t let people help me, maybe I’m still not vulnerable enough in my life, I’m so lost and confused right now, don’t know where to go to find what I need. I find myself fresh out of ideas, I won’t stop trying though, I think I just need strength to continue trying, I’ve always been successful at whatever I do despite failed attempts as long as I keep trying, sometimes I just get tired and burnt out and lose hope. I know I am lovable I just have to keep trying to find the places and people where it’s at, and stop looking where it’s not. The search is exhausting and even if I do find the kind of love and belonging I’m looking for there’s no guarantee it will be there for me my entire life. I want to attach to something secure, I want something to hold onto to feel safe in this scary world, but there is nothing permanent as bad as I want there to be, I forget that often. So all I can do is keep trying when love is not present  and be grateful when it is.