[I don’t know your whole story with this person so I’m just commenting on what you’ve posted here]

You’re not a failure. I know all too well that feeling, but trust me, you’re not. You’ve been sober for some time, that’s not nothing. You may have slipped, but you got back up. That means you’re not a failure. You keep going, which makes you strong. My godmother was an alcoholic, in her depressed states she would slip, but she would try again. I can say a failure is someone who refuses to try. Personally, when I feel like this, I have an inspirational playlist to listen to [granted, it’s mostly Pink songs, but she’s always inspired me]

I also understand your loneliness. Nobody talks to you, you feel forgotten and left out. However,  sometimes we need to reach out. Life gets in the way, and sometimes people get use to not texting/calling [especially with the stress of the holidays] and I know it can feel like you’re always reaching out, but makes you the stronger person. You care, and if you make it a point to talk at the same time each week, it will become a habit the other person will want to continue. Remember, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Seek out new connections, new friends, new hobbies. I spent years only being at work or at home, rarely texting or seeing old friends or family. Earlier this year a regular at my work invited me to the movies and we’ve become amazing friends and hang out once a week. I’m saying, as scary as it is, perhaps take a step out of your comfort zone and try a hobby or meet one new person. They don’t have to be a potential romantic partner [I feel you should heal first] but to have someone help bring that joy back into your life is paramount.

As for this person, I know they seem like a big deal, but you can love yourself. You don’t need anyone. If it’s meant to be, they will return, but only after you have grown and healed. Otherwise, history will repeat itself. If they don’t return, it simply means there’s someone greater waiting for you. Focus on the good, talk to a therapist, work to grow, keep going. I know it sucks right now, especially when you’re in the dark place, but keep going, and you’ll find the light at the end. [I know that’s cliche, but it’s true. We all need to remind ourselves when things are terrible, there is sunshine ahead]

love and light to you