Dear Sofioula:

Good to read back from you. I wonder why your father has been bleeding, if  his bleeding is under control and the underlying issue (the cause of the bleeding) being treated. I hope he heals soon.

“I thought everyday should be awesome, having fun, having ton of friends and a super bf, to be accomplished and agreeable to your peers, society and family. Not even tv stars live like this”- this is why Heaven was invented, a perfect place of perfect happiness, because there is no such place, and no such life experience on Earth.

Having unrealistic expectations of how life should feel will make you depressed, because a heavenly state of constant good-feeling is impossible. Correct your expectations and you will feel better.

It is a good thing that you are educated and employed, that you’ve “never been jobless or had any hardship finding a job”, that you are physically attractive and pleasing to the eye, and it is a very good thing that you “want to choose a good man this time”- good to read this!

Here is another thing that is good for me to read: “I won’t go back to shutting down my emotions again, to discriminate against them, no”.

You wrote that you need the courage “to love all aspects of life, even the bad ones”- there are aspects of life that are not lovable, it is not possible to love feeling hurt, scared, sad, or angry. We have to endure these feelings, not to love them; to be patient and say to ourselves: this hurt/fear/sad/ angry feeling is not forever. Soon I will feel better. And it is true, you will.

Choose the middle ground (moderation)  between the sunshine girl and depressed girl, not feeling unrealistically optimistic on one hand, and not feeling heavily depressed on the other.

Regarding feeling jealous of “mainly girls in relationships”, you are welcome to re-read your own account of the time you were in a relationship as well as hundreds of members who posted through the years about their misery while being in relationships, you will see that.. there is no such thing as heaven on Earth, relationship or not.

I am looking forward to read from you again (no need to apologize for long posts, make them as long as you feel like).

anita