Dear Cali Chica:

We can start now. You will not go no contact with your sister. Then you have to regulate the contact that you will be having with her. You know of the ten commandments of the bible, of course, the Do and Do Not commandments. The way I see it is that you have to command your sister with Dos and Do nots. Because she is where Crazy is, and you are were Sanity is, and Sanity runs the show, Sanity commands Crazy.

This is not and cannot be an equal relationship. In an insane asylum, the rules, or commands are not decided by the patients and the doctors, in a democratic kind of fashion.

You and your husband can come up with the rules, make them reasonable, fair to both parties, respectful to both parties, decide on them but then, do  not open these for a discussion with her.

If she refuses to follow the rules, that will be up to her. You will not be forcing her. It will be her choice to choose to have no contact with you. Are you willing to accept this possibility, that at least for a short time, she will choose to not have contact with you, and blame you for it?

anita