Evening all and a very happy new year to you!!
Gosh I sure hope this one is better, it has to be right?!!

I’ve spent this evening pondering on how far I’ve come in this whole journey. I had a lovely conversation with a friend who seems to be on a journey himself and it made me realise just how far I have come and how it really is a blessing that I am still here. And actually @Shelbyville, having read through your last in-depth post with the lovely words you gave to Genie, I really don’t think you give yourself enough credit because YOU have truly come a loooooooong way!!! Goodness me! You have done so much since your split in May. You have lived, you have thrived, you survived each and every single day. Even the way you speak of your ex now, albeit the heart wants what it wants yes, but the wisdom in your words, the whole aura is just different. Honestly, I am incredibly proud and pleased for you because you have come such a long way.

One of the major things I am working on is trying really really hard to remain in the present and to not discourage myself on a bad day, a set back does not mean I am at square one, it doesn’t mean that all the internal work has gone to waste and I have to start again. It’s harder than it seems, but it’s the truth. Shelbs, when we first got in touch back in 2018, we were so so so broken, or at least I was. Now it’s not to say that some parts of me aren’t shattered now, I think some will be deep wounds for the rest of my days, but can I say I am struggling as much as I was then? I’d like to think not… I think we both need to work on recognising this as an accomplishment. Also, remaining in the present, not very good at that one to be honest! The past seems to take me either to a nostalgic place, missing the innocent and gullible girl who believe the world was all good prior to my trauma, or to the darkness that took over my life during/after my trauma, reinforcing every negative thought in my mind. The future? Well that’s no good either because I am soooooo afraid of failing. I’m afraid the kind of future I want is out of reach for me, that I’ll run out of time, or I’m making the wrong choices and it just won’t happen to me – it’s a mess. But being in the here and now, we’ll right now in this present moment I am okay. I am healthy, I am warm and cosy in my bed about to watch a Netflix series, I’ve enjoyed a nice dinner, my mind isn’t running in overdrive, I really am okay.

Ive received a job offer which I am supposed to be stating on Monday. It isn’t my dream job at all, and they are offering longer working hours and less money BUT having been searching since October I will take anything I can get right now.

How is your job search going now in 2020? And how are you? Like really, how are you?