Janine,

I’m here to support you. I’m also here to help you see your situation from a different perspective. We all desire a social connection with others. That’s totally normal; it’s not a flaw. Of course you don’t mean any harm. I understand that. I’m sorry that what I’m telling you is hurting you. It doesn’t make me feel good to know that.

When you say “I am mad at people like him”, I’m trying to help you see that maybe your anger is misplaced. I can’t in good faith jump on your “mad at him” bandwagon when I don’t see that he’s done anything wrong. He hasn’t been at all aggressive toward you. He hasn’t bullied you in any way. The way I see it, he’s simply living his life, a life that hasn’t always been smooth sailing for him, from what you’ve shared.

He was uncomfortable when you, someone he doesn’t know, stopped him in the stairwell to talk. There could be a million reasons why he felt this way that have nothing to do with you as a person. I’ve already listed some of those possible reasons. When people I don’t know stop me to have a conversation with me, I’m often uncomfortable. I automatically wonder if they have ulterior motives. I think wait, I don’t know you. What is it you want from me? That’s the truth. It could be a wonderful person trying to be my friend, but I don’t want someone to try to be my friend. I want it to happen organically. I want to meet a friend while playing tennis on an adjacent court, or at a party when we realize we’re the only two people there who aren’t totally wasted. When it doesn’t happen this way, when someone approaches me to be my friend, it scares me away. This is how I feel. This is the truth.

But this guy may not be like me. Maybe he was on his way up the stairs to get to his dorm to use the bathroom. Maybe he had to urinate so badly and he was too embarrassed to say that to you. There are so many reasons why he may have seemed uncomfortable when talking with you on that day.

Or maybe he IS like me. Maybe he felt that you were trying too hard to be his friend. I just don’t know.

But for whatever reason, I don’t feel that he’s a bad guy, and I can see why the FB thing set him off, especially when he was opening up about past trauma he’s had in his life. Like Inky said, timing is important.

But I’m not saying this to make you feel bad. This will pass and all will be okay, so be patient and try not to worry. Ten years from now when you are well into your career you’ll hardly remember this incident. Also know that it’s possible that all this anger you feel shouldn’t be directed at him at all. Maybe he’s not to blame after all. Maybe the anger comes from somewhere else. I have a sneaky feeling that TB member anita can help you figure out where it comes from much better than I ever could. She’s awesome with that kind of thing, but I’ll be here if you’d like my opinion on anything more. If not, that’s cool too, I would completely understand. 🙂

Hang in there, Janine.

B