Dear Gaia:

I am glad you approve of my suggestion that you establish ground rules in this context.

Of course it is a problem for a person suffering from social anxiety and toxic shame to be shamed further by people and society. So let’s say the society of your peers, where you live, shame virginity. What do you do? Walk around in shame because you are a virgin.. or .. get rid of this virginity any which way?

No. Fist, it is no one’s  business whether you are virgin or not. It is your business, keep people away from your business, especially a business of such intimate nature!

Second, you have to select who will have the privilege to be in your company. Select people who are not going to shame you. How do you know if this or that person is likely to shame you?

Let’s take the example of virginity. You meet a young man, get to  know him, talk. Ask him all kinds of questions, different topics: what  does he think about this and about that? At one point, you can ask him what does he think about young women who are virgin. Because you asked him all kinds of questions, he may not automatically react by asking: why, are you a virgin?

If he does ask this, you can answer: you know I asked you all kinds of questions, this is just one of my questions. If he then says: well, are you a virgin? You can say: none  of your business, my dear.

anita