Dear Anita

Thank you so much for your encouragement and for liking the poem. I find that being out in nature helps me de-stress and I have some good bird friends that come by because I have been feeding them and talking with them. Sometimes I like to visualize myself as a bird flying into the sky and not worrying about falling because I have faith that I can be carried through the winds of stress and that the sun illuminates my way. The first few chapters in the Meditation book that I am reading for my meditation class talk about dancing and music to help relieve stress. I think that dancing and yoga poses (thank you for sharing your advice on this 🙂 ) helps me find ways to express my feelings in healthier ways rather than the intense workouts that are straining. I still do regular exercise but I am working on not making it so straining on my muscles. I want to work on ways to cope with my anxiety so that it doesn’t overwhelm me and is easier to deal with. The anxiety will still be there and I know that it will likely fade or become less with transitioning but in the meantime I am working on building myself up. I am a spiritual being residing in a body and I am energy and I want my energy to flow and circulate well rather than having it repressed in some areas. I want to reshift my awareness to my whole self as a soul rather than trying to fit myself into a box of what my body should look like. Although I want my body to look more masculine, I don’t want to have to work so hard that I strain myself trying to fit into a box of what I should look like. I want to work on feeling confident and finding healthier ways to express myself rather than trying to break myself down. I tried to make myself fit into a box and I became bruised and calloused because the box didn’t fit and the more I tried the more I realized that I wasn’t living. There are some things that I enjoy working on to help me look more masculine like having shorter hair and working on singing songs to make my voice work on being more deeper. In addition, the music helps me express myself and I find that it is a good way to deal with the dysphoria.

Here is a poem:

The shadows in myself work on healing as I shine light on them and let them go

Working on building myself up and understanding my soul

The world’s expectations have made me lose myself trying to fit into a box

The doubts in my mind cloud my awareness with their negative talk

Working on facing the shadows within and letting the sunlight in

Hoping to heal myself from within, walking a path of spiritual growth

Each step I take sends me closer to finding myself, and there are obstacles in the way but I think I’ll be okay

I want to see myself as a whole person made of energy rather than just as a body

Hoping to bring healing and clarity into my mind so that when there are doubts I know that strength is still there to be found

Sometimes I will fall to the ground and negativity will surround but I’ll work on building my way again

Like a bird who is blown off course by the wind still continues their flight, I think that I will work on building my might even though sometimes life may give me some fright

Using my mistakes as stepping stones to grow and working on building my knowledge

There will be times when I lose my way and that’s okay because I don’t have all the pieces and don’t think that I ever will

But I am a soul working on building myself and healing, the body helps me have a form to live life on Earth

Working on seeing my shadows and releasing them into the light so that my soul can shine bright and working on breaking free from the boxes that limit me so that I feel more positivity.