Dear Janus, Earth Angel and Poet:

You are welcome and thank you for another poem. I will pick one part-line from your poem and expand on it: “Hoping to heal myself from within”-

– In your post before your poem you wrote: “I want my body to look more masculine”. All your efforts to make your body look more masculine have done little to calm your anxiety, or to heal your body dysphoria. I have no problem with you keeping your hair short and wearing boyish clothing, but your past over-exercising and disordered eating have not healed you from within (“Hoping to heal myself from within”). Instead, these two things have hurt you, causing and keeping you in sickness. The tight binder you wear in public,making it difficult for you to inhale comfortably, that also hurts you.

I understand how strong your impulse and habit is to wear tight binders, to over exercise and obsess about your food intake, but healing is about resisting these impulses, putting an end to behaviors that do disservice to you, and instead adopting and persisting in doing what is serving you well.

I suggest that you continue, as you already started, to no longer over-exercise, to regulate your eating so it is no longer disordered and that you don’t wear binders that are too tight. Instead wear loose clothing of the pattern that is best for your purposes.

anita