Hi all

@ ML… I’m sorry you’re hurting so much right now, the shock alone must cause some serious reverberations for you. What you are facing is the loss and comfort of the person in your life coupled with the loss and comfort of the future you had planned out in your head. I don’t know why your ex ended it, if it’s something that tears you up and it was done quite abruptly and you don’t understand why, maybe that’s something you could have direct conversation about, in order to move on and grieve. I don’t know how feasible that is. After that, Michelle is right. No contact, albeit extremely difficult is the best way to move forward and try to create a life without that person. It’s not always easy and we’re human, sometimes we’ll end up making contact, but best to at least try anyway and then you’ll at least feel like you’re doing something to help and look after yourself. Grief now. It was 6 years….that’s a long time to be creating the hypothetical future you thought you were going to have and has now changed. Just keep on keeping on until you’re a little bit stronger to actually move forward with completely different plans. That is hard to do in the midst of devastation so just keeping doing little things every day for yourself to keep your head above water.

@Adelaide… well done you. Congratulations. Might sound funny to say congrats for your heartbreak, but you were brave. You opened up your heart and that makes you an amazing person. I berate myself all the time for feeling so strongly about my ex and ‘not getting over him’ quick enough etc but I still sometimes say to myself “Shelby…at least you loved. At least you opened your heart” and I’d rather die knowing that I opened up my heart to love (even if it didn’t work) than die having never felt an open heart.

There is some work for you to do now I think in terms of self worth. You definitely became attached to her and made her an important element of your life, but if she doesn’t feel the same as you, then she can’t help how she feels. Everyone is entitled to how they feel even though it hurts, even though it’s heartbreaking and you want it to be different. It just means she’s not your person. A little time and distance will help a lot to overcome the anxiety and the pain of separation. It is so extremely hard to do, but in my experience you’ll never truly get over someone if you try to remain friends, because let’s face it, you’re not trying to remain friends, you just want to stay close to them and in the far back of your mind the hope will always be there and you could end up just getting hurt again and again when that hope isn’t realised.

You should be incredibly proud of yourself for opening up – I am of myself (sometimes!)- and just try to take it day by day until you’re a little stronger and a little further from the heartbreak.

@Michelle….oooph….there hits a trigger! I might aswell admit it. Completely rational and well meaning advice as usual but I have this thing that I always slate myself over…not being able to soothe myself and it’s the message I get from others a lot throughout my life too. I don’t want to be so dependent on other people, I admire self sufficient people so much, but time and time again I see how much I need people. I get ‘scared’ sometimes, I’ve tried in therapy to figure it out but it doesn’t seem to be changing much. I’m insanely busy with short term work projects at the moment and whilst working late the other night in a busy hot environment, I felt extremely feint and ill and I got scared and literally only wanted my ex there to come and protect me or take care of me. I don’t know. It is what it is, but it always makes me feel ‘less than’ to not be able to look after myself, to always need someone to mind me or save me. It makes me sad and feel inadequate like everyone else in the world is a grown-up but i must never have drank the grown up juice.

Anyway changing the subject, have a wonderful trip to Asia, safe travelling, I can’t wait to hear all about it.

@Kkasxo – how is the new job working out? Are things looking up a little for you? x