@adelaide so good to hear of your progress.  You have become my positive inspiration. I know your disability doesn’t define you but your bravery to try when you could have easily resigned yourself to a life without that aspect to protect yourself is so admirable. I am so so proud and I really hope you find love again. Your own self awareness is also amazing. Look like mark ms article encouraged you to continue being brave and making new connections and understanding it is ok to lean on new support from those who care. Keep us updated I find your journey motivational xx

@shelbyville, I see myself in you. Our situ are very similar. So if I can do it so can you. If you want me to keep my beak out just say! But read the below might be the encouragement you need.

@shelbyville

1) Did you find the key fob? Dont work yourself up if you haven’t. It will blow over if there is any tension.

2) You have turned the biggest corner in acknowledging for yourself you shouldn’t go back.

Thus YOU ARE READY, you have been since the resentment comment but put yourself in your own shit by keeping contact open – letting him set you back.

What gets on my tits is my ex did the same. I’d try so hard to get to a good place then when he hadn’t heard from me , he would send out a feeler to see if he still had the hold see IF he felt like it could have me. It felt amazing to see his name pop up but then the ache for more knowing it was not coming was horrid. Leaving me back at the beginning this wore me down and after 5 years i was tired. It’s always for their own curiosity and ego boosting don’t let your rose tinted view fool you. You ex is not a saint so don’t convince yourself it was because he wanted to do you “right” or “cared” why didn’t he care on your prev birthdays whilst contact was still freely open??? You have been asking yourself the wrong questions and tearing yourself apart when the problem was never you. It was him but your love for him skewed your perception.

YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD but you are over preparing and you can continue this way but sooner or later to move in a direction you have to take the STEP or LEAP towards it to progress in life.

I have been in the exact same situation I am telling you it’s time but what is holding you back is FEAR!! The only way to conquer it is to face it head on.

Letting go of what’s become familiar or your life as you know it which feels safe and copeable is frightening. But isn’t it more frightening to think if you feed your fear you will continue to waste precious time, lose opportunities and stop yourself from actually living to find a new purpose , all because of one guy who couldn’t love you for who you were? Let that hit home.

Once you take this next step let me tell you it will be liberating..do it in baby steps like me. Delete all conversations, block him and his friends (to move on you have to cut all ties) on all platforms! Have the last laugh by doing something he probably thinks you can’t – have you seen that block meme on Insta. Get on it Girl! Set yourself a target of a week where you won’t unblock. If it’s hard unblock for a day but start again the following day ..You will be shocked at how you do..it will turn to weeks etc and the letting go will happen without even consciously acknowledging it.

But above all focus on YOU. No ruminating about what you thought you had with him or reinforcing that rose tinted view of him. It is the biggest hold back. No comparisons. He was good in some aspects but not good enough overall. Remember that. Not you weren’t good enough for him.

Focus on what you wanted in life..what did you actually want out of a relationship? Find a person willing to meet you halfway, who will say I love you, who will everytime he is in your presence display affection in all forms. Who will be patient like my guy, take it slow there’s no rush. Give it a chance.. and realise what you had you can not recreate but you can have better by working on it with someone who wants it too that is the biggest difference in why a relationship is successful and why it fails. The give and take needs to be 50/50. Don’t let thoughts or fear of possible rejection stop you from trying as you will ruin it before its even begun. Again I made this mistake but thankfully my new guy is understanding of my past. You obviously have a big heart if you bent over backwards and contorted yourself to make a bad relationship work. You will find yourself again and just imagine once you feel your way through slowly and build something new with openness and vulnerability the love you can give to someone new who wants you for you will be even better because you’ll be getting it back too.

3) Ok warning! You may not want to believe this but reality check chick every person unless (highly traumatised – like incapable of a rship basically) is capable of saying I love you. And even in desperate scenario when the fear of losing you kicks in they will splurt it, just to keep you. Your ex didn’t even do it then after three break ups… so why are you going to give this person the time to make your anger kick in?

You have more self respect than that girl. You deserved an I love you. You deserved so much more.
When he finds the one,which wasn’t you or else even in desperate times he would have said it, HE WILL say it to her..what I don’t get is are you going to put your life on hold to have him crush you in that way and then move on? NO WAY. You better than that!

An example Terri was with Simon Cowell for over a decade he said he never would have children but guess what once he found the right one who happened to be his friends wife, he not only had an affair but got her pregnant. Even the avoidant type fall in love.

So right now, you are playing yourself. Move Forward. Realise your dream. You were brave to have sought love once and you need to be brave again now to seek your dreams!