Dear honey,
sorry that you have to go through this. Pain no matter if physically or mentally is distressing. I learned this when I had problems with my knees, I thought it would never ever get better, only worse. My brain told me all kinds of stories how I would not be able to keep a job because of the pain, never be able to do certain things again etc. But it did get better, even if not perfect.
I would look into what you can do to make the pain better (nutrition, walks in nature, sports?). And also if a different doctor can give you more advice, if you feel the meds are not working well. Your current medication might even be the cause of your mental distress as a side effect.
For the negative thoughts I reccomend looking into ways to deal with them, for example cognitive behavior theraphy. Or if you can’t afford theraphy, David Burns wrote a good book called “Feeling good: the new mood theraphy”. It explains well how you can write down your thoughts and reflect on them, maybe you can find it at your local library.
Also take one moment at a time, you don’t need to solve everything today.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 