Dear Gaia:

Congratulations for joining a feminist group in your university: within the group be faithful to what you believe, because your beliefs and others’ beliefs in the group are not identical. Work with others so to promote what you personally believe in.

Yes, he is an obnoxious bully and it is sad that he is likely to continue the same obnoxiousness for four more years. (Not that all other politicians, past and present, are the picture of character purity- far from it.

“I wonder what is like, to feel heard, valued, seen. To truly make solid relationships and friendships”- it is like what is happening here, between you and me. I trust you and you trust me (don’t you?) that we will treat each others respectfully at all times, but not in a fake way, but genuinely respectfully. And we are honest with each other as well as assertive. If I go about something you don’t like (ex., the mirroring), you asked me to stop and I stopped it. I told you that I didn’t want to repeat myself at length anymore, and you were fine with it. You can count on me that when you post, I will reply soon after I get on the computer- this is a relationship where the two of us are “heard, valued, seen”.

How does it to feel this way in-person, with a person who is geographically present in your life- same thing: you feel comfortable because you don’t fear being attacked by that person, or shamed, disrespected. And you don’t have to wonder if the person means what he or she says, and you are not afraid of rejection because you know that as long as you are respectful, the other person is okay with you, and you know it is okay to express when you are angry, even at the person in this kind of relationship, as long as you express  your anger respectfully and responsibly. And you know that it is okay to make mistakes because the other person also makes mistakes and is okay with you  doing the same.

anita