Hi all,

Firstly Adelaide – Belated Happy Birthday. I hope you had a special day. Birthdays are special. To me. I don’t care how old we get, it’s always nice to have a fuss made of you for one day in the year!

Sarah, I’m sorry you’re going through similar heartbreak to my own. Day in, day out I see evidence that break ups happen all the time and that it’s a normal and common part of life…and yet….when it happens to you, it’s as though the world has forever changed and pivoted in one swift blow. It’s heartening (if you could call it that!) to hear you loved once before and found love again, I’m just sorry it didn’t work out this time.

Michelle, thanks for the advice. You know you I know. I’m not determined on staying stuck, I have done things over the past year to enrich my life, to move it forward, to try and bring me happiness and yet I find I wind up back where I am. I even got frustrated with my therapist this past week as I said to him it’s ridiculous to still be in the same place at this stage and we need to get this therapy thing moving a bit faster to help me move on. He replied “are you enjoying kicking the absolute sh!t out of yourself over there Shelby?” I have so many people telling me always, including wonderful life coaches, family, friends….that I SHOULD be over it now, I SHOULD be doing things to improve my own life for my own self and securing my own future happiness. I often feel sick in my tummy at the stress of not living up to everybody else’s “shoulds”.

I’m sad, I’m still sad and Sarah, you’re absolutely right about the sensitive thing….but my therapist maintains that we’re not ‘overly’ sensitive, we are just highly sensitive and we were born this way and it’s not something that we should try to beat out of ourselves, it’s who we are. My new friend – the lovely sweet kind guy who I tried the romance with a couple of months ago, says sometimes he actually hurts to see how much I hurt in the world. He says he sees who I am and that because I feel so much, he can’t understand how I get through some days as so much of humanity hurts me. I guess he’s right, he says I should come with a ‘delicate’ warning….and not in a bad way, but he feels that I’m so empathetic it ends up hurting me too much. I mean, he’s not wrong. I guess on the upside, I feel love a lot more too, which is wonderful if you have love in your life. For now, the joy my nephews bring me is beyond what I can cope with sometimes – I would go to the ends of the earth for them and I’m consumed with worry if they are sick or do anything remotely risky! I try to switch it down a notch, but it’s hard.

Anyway, bit of a tangent there, sorry! I have finished my highly stressful short term work project – thank heavens – so I’ve taken myself off for a mini-break in a hotel which is lovely. It’s so scenic and yes it’s Valentines, which isn’t ideal, but hey, I’ll survive. Doesn’t bother me too much at all as my ex was not into Valentines or doing anything romantic around this date, so I’m not missing anything like that! I also got the part-time job at the makeup counter in the department store that I interviewed for the past few weeks, so i’ll be starting that soon and they’re sending me for intensive training, which will really stand to me in the future.

More and more Michelle, all I want to do is travel! Every week now I find I want to go, and I’m such a homebird…..or was at least! I don’t know where this has come out of, maybe I’ve a bit more confidence to go further afield on my own now, who knows? But it’s just not a possibility with literally no money right now and then I’m at the stage of my life, where I wonder should I be trying to save for a mortgage, that I’ll probably never be able to afford….but ya know….plans……and all that! Langkawi sounds absolutely amazing. My friend wanted me to go there when returning from Kuala Lumpur but I just didn’t have the time or money for another diversion. Typing away on your computer on a balcony overlooking the sea, is honestly….goals for me!!!

@kkasxo, I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. I hope you’re doing okay, I know this is a tough time of year for you. Perhaps you’re managing it better than you thought this time round? I hope this is the case. Let me know how you are doing.