Dear Anita,

Yesterday was the worst night I’ve had in a long time and today I just feel that nothing can be done with this girl. She kept showing interest and Friday night we went for dinner, spoke a lot and she even mentioned that she had closed Facebook and Instagram to allow her to have closure with her ex. Speaking about relationships and us, she showed me a poem and said that it represented her. Link (Spanish with English subtitles)  is https://youtu.be/ZJO8COvlkzM

The poem was beautiful and describe her, but I didn’t understand why she is showing me this if she knows my feelings for her. So I decided to speak with her yesterday and said that I don’t understand the signals she is sending me, that the same way she asks me to respect she isn’t ready for a relationship, she should also respect that this actions affect me emotional because they send me the signal she actually wants something with me. Even told her that she writing to me because she felt that I didn’t say hello friendly enough was another signal I didn’t understand.

I asked her that we should find a midpoint between me respecting her process and she not making actions right now that make me feel she actually wants something with me. She got uncomfortable and said that none of this things meant anything and that she was not sending me any signals. She didn’t accept for us to find this midpoint, so I said that of that is the case, then for my own good I would have to take some distance until she is clear of what she wants.

Hours later came the worst part and what today has me with no energy to do anything with her anymore. She started to write in the chat that said she believe I made this argument because she believes I have another girl, said that people have said that I go out with other girl and that I’m a liar and that she wants nothing with me. That she felt that me saying this of the distance was me trying to have closure so I could have a chance with this other girl. Same time she wrote that she loved going out with me and felt that we were going on a nice path to build something (what? I don’t know, she never said).

All night trying to show her that it’s been four months me wanting to have a chance, supporting her and accepting that she needs space. Giving her company and showing her my kindness. Even told her that the poem made me think many things, the same way my letter made her think, and that all I wanted was to speak it out and find a way for us to make things work without she sending me this signals that I don’t don’t do any good to me. According to her, she hasn’t sent me any signals at all of wanting something with me.

I’m so sad now, she not wanting to see all my transparency and all I did this month to show her that I was serious with this. I haven’t gone out with another girl because I did wanted to see were this could go, but I still don’t believe it would be something bad if I did because right now we are nothing. But it hurts me that she believes that I’m actually hiding this and lying to her, that she believes I really haven’t been transparent with her.

I just told her their is nothing I can do if she doesn’t trust me and that I’m sorry that she takes what supposedly other people said of seeing me with another girl, instead of seeing my actions this last four months. That she needs to decide what she believes because their is no way I can show her that this is not true.

End of the day, what hurts me more is that I believe a relationship with someone most begin with trust and now I don’t see us having any chance if she wants to believe that I’m a liar when all we are friends that have some feelings for each other. I have never seeing her like this, but her words and our chat  felt so toxic yesterday, something that hadn’t happened before, that I don’t see that we can do anything now. It isn’t just me being patience now, it’s me having to proof to her that she can trust me, and I believe I haven’t done really anything to break that trust and that it’s impossible to make her believe what she wants to believe from the intangible reality she has in her head (I repeat, she has never seen me with anyone and all I do is hang out with is friends and colleagues, their was never a lie from my side).

I don’t understand why me asking her to respect my feelings and to avoid sending me signals if she isn’t sure of what she wants, had to end in all this. Why she reacted so hard, blaming me of all this and saying that now we shouldn’t even be friends (but at the same time allowing me to know that she felt we were going on the right path to build something). Me asking for distance was only protecting my feelings when she didn’t accept that she is making actions that show her wanting something when verbally she continues to say she doesn’t want a relationship.

Now I feel so empty and sad, confused. Never bought this would happen, but I feel their is nothing I can do. I don’t understand her and this incident. I don’t understand what happened.

Gustavo

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Gustavo.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Gustavo.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Gustavo.