Dear Daniel:

You are very welcome.

“I keep ending up alone and lonely. I want that to change! but I don’t know how!”-

– slowly, patiently.

-You are very busy with medical school- it takes most of your time and energy. If there is a way for you to lower your course load (and attend medical school for one more year, let’s say), consider that. Consider taking a year off, if that is possible, or keep it in mind as a possibility.

-A daily exercise routine is an excellent way to uplift yourself from depression. As a matter of fact, I feel quite low right now, but I know that as soon as I take my daily 5.5 km walk outside, in the fresh air, I will feel better. Fast, aerobic exercise is a natural anti-depressant.

– Guided mindfulness meditations are quick and if you give them a chance to work for you, they are effective in calming you down and helping you focus. In my psychotherapy, my homework was to play Mark William’s series of mindful meditations (I believe he is or was a professor in Oxford University who worked on Mindfulness) every day, month after month for a year or two. Some of the sessions go beyond calm and focus. You may want to give his series a try, it is available online last time I checked.

– Develop your social skills, starting with how you present yourself: your clothes, your posture, your body language, your tone of voice. You can practice in front of the mirror, so that you can see how you appear/ sound and figure how to appear in ways you approve of. I figure you want to appear and sound confident, but not too confident, so practice. I wonder if there are classes on the matter, that would be best- being guided by a teacher, observed and given feedback by other students. The idea is to find your individual style of communicating with others, a style that is attractive to others and which you feel comfortable with. I bet there are some quality online resources on the matter.

– Place yourself first in your life. Be a good son to your mother and a good person to others, but place a higher value on making your life about you. Again, stand in front of the mirror and look into your own eyes, make yourself a promise. I will not articulate your promise to yourself; it is for you to find the words and make that promise.

anita