Dear anita,

Thank you kindly for your response,  you were able to very succinctly put into words the concept I had been struggling with to wrap my head around.

I think you are right, I still feel very jarred when I read that particular sentence  “No one owes anyone anything in a relationship. One person can leave the other for any reason or  none at all”

It got me thinking “Does one not owe their partner loyalty, honesty and communication once they are in a relationship? I wouldn’t be able to classify any bond that didn’t require two people to maintain at least those three things as a relationship at all”

It really bothered me and still does. I knew  immediately that the cold, emotionless vibe that that statement brought with it was what shook me. I didn’t expect it at all.

As a person, I have experienced him being emotional, both over our digital communication and in person. I had come to know him as quite an affectionate person. In fact I was more distant than him at the start of the relationship. It took me quite a while to even begin opening up to him and throughout that period, he was very supportive, affectionate and kind to me and made time for me despite his busy schedule. There have been many times in our relationship when I have had to be more logical to help him figure out his emotions/ navigate a situation. Sometimes, when certain situations get too intense, we both understand the need to take some space. We do however usually communicate within a day. At those times he needed space to calm down/process his emotions and think, I am happy to give him the required space he needs. I hope i have been quite understanding that way.

I personally feel that the emotional and mental stress he may have been under while with his brother definitely contributed to his anger and frustration that did peak in finalizing his decision to break up with me. I have to give it to him that he communicated that he was frustrated with the state of things there and also getting angry more frequently. He mentioned this days before breaking up in an effort to get me to stop adding fuel (in terms of my venting my frustrations) to his fire.

However, as I said, that final sentence came across as jarringly cold to me. It seemed to me like he was able to switch off his own emotions to do what he needed to do. And as a result of that logical path of thinking, he decided to discard the relationship as it was hindering his ability to get the work done. In hindsight, I have caught myself thinking that if he had ignored me, maybe I would have come around eventually. I don’t know for sure though. What’s done is done after all.

It seems I do have some decision making of my own to do. What are your thoughts?

Kind regards,

MonaD

• This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by MonaD.