Dear Nia:

Yes, the problem is the empty place in your heart. I know that problem very well myself. It is a very painful emptiness. It is not only your husband that can’t fill that emptiness, no man can, no one can. I will explain: for a child, her mother is Everything, and when that Everything goes away, it feels like you lost everything indeed, the emptiness in the child’s heart is massive, a whole lot of aching emptiness. Fast forward, a man shows up in your adult life, he is no match to the Everything your child-heart needs.

That need of long ago is a person-sensitive need: you needed that one person- your mother. It is a time-sensitive need: you needed her when you were a young child, back in those years in the past. It is a place-sensitive need, you needed your mother back then and there, in that home were you lived as a child.

No man, no woman can take you back to there and then and be the mother you had and needed to stay and love you.

“my heart still hurt.. my husband didn’t chat with me continuously and excitedly”- that’s what you needed from your mother, to be there with you and chat with you continuously and excitedly, happy to see you, happy to hear you, happy to be with you.

* I didn’t understand this part: “When he besides me.. even it’s not a good news to them)”- if you want to re-write this paragraph clearly, please do.

Regarding your husband concern with how much things and commenting about you gaining weight- did he make those comments when you dated him, before getting married with you? I ask because men can be romantic, sensitive , attentive and generous when courting a woman, then stop being all these things after marriage.

Regarding me asking you if his work colleague is married- I asked because if she is married (or in a relationship) there is less of a chance that your husband will pursue her, less of a chance that she will be open to an intimate relationship with another man, plus I asked because if she was married, a double date of two couples, you- your husband, she-her husband would be a way for you to observe what is going on, talk to the woman you are so worried about, and hopefully feel more secure and comfortable as a result.

* I didn’t understand this part: “she said there’s another friend. He said it’s different.. maybe when we fight the night before”.

You wrote that at Christmas he gave her greetings, texting Merry Christmas, you mean? But he didn’t say to  you Merry Christmas??

At this point, for me to understand better what is happening in your relationship, I ask: how did he treat you when he was dating you, before marriage; did he treat you more attentively, generously than he does now?

* When you answer, after you type the first version of your post, please edit it: re-read what you typed and make changes so that I can  understand what you are trying to communicate to me.

anita