Hi Melissa,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can imagine it’s difficult to live somewhere that is not comfortable or energizing.

It sounds like your Mom is in a tough spot. I am just speculating, but if she suffers from migraines and back pain, she is probably having a rough go. It may be a vicious circle where she isn’t well physically and mentally to work on herself. This isn’t for you to take on, but perhaps just looking at her situation with empathy rather than anger? I know it’s easier said than done, but if you know you are moving out soon, it may be worth a go. I felt sad reading about Mom, as it may be difficult for her to lose weight and feel better. Many times, the more weight you gain, the harder it is to lose it, as your body aches, you feel shame, and your self worth is waning.

Maybe a gentle talk with her would be a start. Saying something like you love her, but it is difficult for you to whisper, argue, be around negativity. And then do the opposite…talk positively around her, bring her up, give her a hug, be gentle and kind. It is so hard, but sometimes that kindness can bring out the best in others, as it brings their spirits up.

Also, if your Mom is having a tough time with bills, can she apply for assistance? May be worth trying.

Good luck to you. Just remember that when people don’t feel well, are ill, or feel sad, it’s hard for them to be positive. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it’s usually not about you.  Be well. x