Dear anita,

at the moment, I worry a lot about work. I work together closely with two people, A and B.

A is a very energetic and strong person. Everyone relies on her and she likes to take on a lot of responsibility. Sometimes I get the feeling: what would the company do without her? But I also worry that she doesn’t take such good care of herself. For a long time she stayed longer and even came to work when sick! I like her and appreciate her. Having her around makes me feel secure, if I am unsure I can ask her, but I try my best also to become stronger. I admire her for her energy and strength, at the same time she shows a more vulnerable side when talking about her children. On the other hand, sometimes communication can be difficult… especially if she doesn’t like someone…

B is a very sensitive and warm person. She really gets along with everyone and seems to be a caring and honest person. She also is good at communication, if she sees a problem, she will address it directly. I like how she always takes time to talk to everyone, buys birthday presents and is very thoughtful and empathetic. She also had a burnout before she came to work at our place. Everyone knows that.

The work is very much. You always have something to do and often I leave something for another day. Plus, there are clients calling or needing help all day long. Usually I don’t worry so much. I try to do my best, and if I can’t do it, I will just do the most important things and do the rest at another time. But I worry about my colleagues. I also listen to them, when A tells me that she is working a lot, or when B tells me she isn’t feeling well and cannot take a break…

Sometimes A said about B: what is she doing all day? Because A says she works on another project all day, which she has the main responsibility for. And she doesn’t help with the other tasks so much. But I think she does help. I don’t really know what she is doing, I am only focused on my own tasks, so I don’t pay attention to what the others do. I don’t care when A does a lot of other stuff for others and sometimes left our room for longer periods and I also don’t care when B focuses on her project. What bothers me is the miscommunication.

A apparently A never talked to B about it. But on Friday A said to me: meeting on Monday about the distribution of tasks. Then I already felt worried but also didn’t ask for more. And I wasn’t sure who would be in the meeting, maybe just the three of us, I thought. I should have asked more.

Today was the meeting and there were two of the managers there. We went through who did which tasks and it seemed I was doing a lot, but I don’t know. I cannot say how much time the work of B takes, but A says that it isn’t much. They asked B about all the things she has to do.

After the meeting B was upset and said she got the impression that they were telling her that she isn’t doing enough. And that they only saw the tings that were missing, but not how much we had improved. She also showed me a paper from her doctor about her burnout and asked if she should show this again to the managers. I listened to B (A was somewhere else). I also said, when A and B were both there, that we all tried our best, but A did not reply. She left the room and later came back and said to  me: “sorry,I did not listen to what you said”. And I tried again and started to say “I am worried about the both of you”, but a client came in and the conversation got interrupted again. I gave up. B also tried, but the conversation got interrupted again and I also have the impression that A did not really want to talk.

B talked to me about her sorrows and I got very worried. I asked myself: should I have stood up more for her? Should I have told A to directly talk to B instead of me?

At the end of the workday I was the only one left and the manager came to me and asked: “how was our discussion for you?” And I was so worried and feeling passionate that I told her: “B is working all the time and we all know she had a burnout” The manger said, we know that she works all the time, we just need to find out what takes up so much of her time. The others (other companies involved in the project) also need to do their share.” Then she also talked about other points from the discussions about other things.

Later I thought, it was probably wrong to say that to the boss about B. At the moment it just burst out of me and I wanted to stand up for B. But maybe I have misunderstood everything??

Like often, I took on too much responsibility. B is a grown up woman and can stand up for herself. A and B can resolve their problems without me. Next time I will tell them: please talk directly to each other. Maybe listen, but not get too involved.

I would like everybody to get along. The situation is stressful for me, I am trying to understand everyone, but I don’t know the solution.

Maybe I should just stick to my job! Still be empathetic of course, but not get involved into conflicts…

On a more positive note, last Sunday I went back to the exercise class. The week before I was just too late to talk to the instructor and went to an art gallery instead. I talked to the trainer and she was very friendly and kind. She encouraged me during the class and also came to me after the class and said that I have done well. I don’t think I will go back to the class though, because it is a little too advanced for me and also the attention made me feel a bit embarrassed and like an attention whore…. But I am glad I did it and passed the courage test.

About what you wrote above: I am starting to understand better the power of thoughts. Now I feel I know what it means to let your thoughts pass and that they are only thoughts. I am trying to pause my distressing thoughts, but I am not there yet. I try to focus on the moment, but when I am distressed, it is hard. I guess the long paragraph above shows that I haven’t mastered it yet.

I try to do something different now and not to think so much about the situation. I tried my best, but it wasn’t really the best strategy, I guess. I wanted only the best for everyone involved…

I think I will draw for a bit now. I hope you have a good day!