Dear anita,

thank you for your advice! It was reassuring to read your words and I will try to act accordingly to your advice.

I guess I just have a lot of self doubt in my social competences. But I do have some. I can talk well to people, be understanding and empathetic and see the good in people. What I still have to work on though: not trying to please others, paying attention to my own feelings and needs, not avoiding conflict…

But I am not at all as bad as I thought last year. For example: I am not the roommate from hell! like I felt in the dormitory!I get along well with my new roommates, well one of them is not here very often, but there have been no problems. And with the other one we sometimes talk, and everyone does their share and we are getting to know each other slowly. I don’t feel judged and pressured like in the dormitory, I feel o.K. here, o.K. as I am.

My biggest fear in the work situation, as in the dormitory is that people will misunderstand me. That they will think horribly about me and accuse me of something… Therefore I fear saying the wrong things and getting too involved. At the same time, I feel for my co-workers and want to help them out.

B was still sad on Monday. And it makes me sad too… It makes me a bit angry that A complains to me or the managers, but B had no idea until the meeting. Why not go directly to B first? They are friends after all…

Anyways, this also seems very far away now. The world has suddenly turned into chaos… Monday was my last work day. Now I am on vacation till Tuesday, where a new decision will be made. The company applied for some sort of emergency payment for companies in trouble that don’t want to release their workers. Then we would be payed 60% of our income, while not having to work (you could also do this part time and then come to work for one day for example, getting paid fully for those hours you work). If I understood correctly…

I will see next week how it goes. If this 60% payment works, I have decided to use the time to at home work for uni, so I will get finally closer to finishing my degree. If I get released I will look for another part time job. Supermarkets are apparently looking for people or farmers search for seasonal workers, as the borders to Poland are closed now… Also I should try to save more money now and become better at budgeting. That is my plan for now. I don’t know, am I being too optimistic?? Does it sound reasonable?

Also, I try now to create a routine to stay balanced. I have been trying and failing for some time at this, but it would be essential if I am just at home for a longer period… Today at least I journaled and drew. But I want to get better at this.

What else I would like to incorporate: going for daily walks, reading, Yoga at home using Youtube videos, cleaning daily. I also want to learn more about edible herbs. Collect them, draw them and eat them. But maybe not do all at once. Or it’s o.K. to do only a few things at once. Most important for me is drawing daily and going for a walk is also good. And journaling.

I don’t know what to expect from the future, hopefully my plans don’t sound naive. They give me a little hope and focus.

And how are you doing? Do you also have to stay home? Hopefully all is well in your corner of the world! Please take care of yourself!

I