Hi @Sammy,

@shelbyville has created a great space for us all to rant and work through our issues . I know I’m grateful for the wonderful chicks on here.

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through heartache from your break up. Anxiety is a bitch. No one understands until they have experienced it. I’ve had it in varying forms all my life but with coping techniques and support I find it can be tamed. So firstly you need to breath. INHALE. EXHALE. It will go away. I’ve found doing mindfulness and the calm app lately has helped greatly.

I know you probably deep down know the answer but don’t want to come to that realisation but my advice is always straight up. What you choose to do is your choice though at the end of the day.

I know right now you want to hear everything will be ok and your ex will see sense and the fact you were together for 4 years means the love is strong and you will make your way back to each other. But the reality is it is over, it was over the moment he repeated the same actions without really implementing any change. It is over for a reason. I’m not denying you love him, but the sooner you recognise that you deserved that same pouring of love in return, your perspective will change.

This comes from loving yourself and having good self worth. The reason why most of us on here find the heartbreak so intense and letting go hard is rooted in our own insecurities.

Our own lack of worth, our own battles with the mind that we will never find someone again so we put this person on a undeserving pedestal and berate ourselves. If you have read the thread then you’ll see my journey and the reality is even if you make your way back for the 5th time it will end the same if you have different wants, needs and communication styles. Your friend is correct, all relationships have issues. It requires work. The ones that work though are when you have two people who are willing to communicate and put in an equal amount. The foundations of a relationship needs to be based on strong communication without that it simply will not work during the rough patches. If the same problem arises due to avoidance by one party, it is clearly toxic and that’s when one person pours way more of themselves into a relationship like you have like I did resulting in you losing who you are and your identity. I did it for 5 years we were on and off again and it almost broke me.

I too felt why was I not enough? Instead I should have been telling myself if after I have accepted this man for all that he is and he can’t love me back the same way then he does not deserve my love.

Do you want to get back together and get engaged or married only for him to decide he wants out again as he hasn’t grown or changed when you have returned back to each other? Do you want to live with that kind of thought at the back of your mind..it will lead to much bigger issues.

It will not seem like it now but he is doing you a favour. You DESERVE more.

It is hard to believe but let me be your hope. In December last year I thought I wanted to kill myself as I thought I would never find love again like I had with my ex, the thoughts were dark, I was exhausted I felt like no one would match him. I had started sleeping with random men to fill a void to get over him. Then I met an angel, my Jay. If you read the thread you’ll see how I self sabotaged and almost ruined something so good for myself. Now by taking it steady, love started to grow for me again. All I can say is he has changed the way I view love. He is real love defined. The love you deserve is waiting for you.That journey starts with recognising you do deserve better and someone who loves all of you for who you are.

Use this lockdown to work on yourself. Cry, get angry, feel those emotions but keep reaffirming you deserve more. Don’t beg for love off someone who can’t see your value because if he did value you, the same problems would not exist. He would have done everything in his power to prove it to you. Love yourself first.

Self worth is the hardest thing to do but once you have it you’ll find acceptance easier and let go.

I’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted to hear. You can choose to take the long road and hold onto hope of a reunion but be wary the outcome will be the same. Save yourself pain again and again, feel the sadness and block him and remove him permanently from your life, begin to heal. With time you’ll unblock him again accept you’ll always care and love him in a way but when he reaches out..because let me tell you he will, you’ll be where I am today..ready to reject that and focus on you or being in a new fulfilling relationship with someone who accepts and values all of you. Sending love xxx