Hi all,

What a time we are living through right now eh?! It’s like the world has been tilted off its axis. What has been familiar, what has been ‘in order’, what we believed we could control, is now all in pieces. Anxiety collectively is at an all time high. My empathetic nature has left me susceptible to the collective anxiety so I felt it prudent to make my world a little more micro to try and manage what I can and just control what is within my control, which is very little at the moment.

My sister gave me a spare thermometer last weekend (secured through social distancing etiquette), and on Monday I felt a little flushed and checked and had a temperature. Since then I have felt fine, but the thermometer still indicates I have a temperature, even though I don’t feel as though I do. To be honest, we’re not convinced the thermometer is accurate, but given the times we’re in, I can’t afford to take chances. Not with my Dad and brother who have compromised immune systems. So while the social distancing measures were strict enough, the self isolation in my bedroom measures are way worse! So be grateful for small blessings like still being able to use your kitchen! I’m awaiting a test, but honestly, I’m pretty sure it will be negative, however the consequences of me being wrong are too grave, so I’m doing what I can to protect those I love.

I’m actually coping okay now…not so much earlier in the week. My anxiety was wringing me out. I felt my new male friend was not there for me as much as I’d like and I guess I was hurt and disappointed. I suppose I wanted from him what my ex used to give me in times of crisis and anxiety…. a safe place, assurance etc. I have to try and recognise that my friend does not fill that role, he is just a friend, like my other friends, so I put too much weight on his shoulders to make me feel better and when he doesn’t do that, I get hurt and anxious. Still all the work I have to do on my self. Sometimes I wonder have I grown anything at all over the years I’ve been going to therapy and lessons I’m supposed to have learned from the relationship which was the reason I started this thread.

My ex met me last week. For ten minutes. It was the first time we had seen each other since the final breakup. He contacted me as he had some resources to deal with the c-virus crisis that it was impossible to get hold of myself and he knew I was extremely anxious about securing some stuff, as he knows about my brother and Dad. He met me to give me some supplies, which I was extremely grateful for. He transferred them to my car and we both stayed at a distance and only spoke for 10 mins specifically and only about the crisis. He asked me how my brother was doing and then we departed. I haven’t heard from him since. He’s not the booty call type. He has never contacted me any time we have broken up to try and hook up or anything like that. He was being a decent person and helping out and I wanted the help and I hate that I had to get those supplies through him.

It was cordial and polite and I’m sure whatever unease he has had for the past 10months since our breakup has been eased somewhat now that he thinks we are not mortal enemies and I’m all good with everything. I think that hurts because I feel like he feels like things are okay now between us and it’s in the past and we can all move on. But I haven’t moved on. It still hurts. I still miss him. And now it hurts more because I feel like I’ve passed him the key to the bridge which has helped him move on. Ugh, everything is just a lot at the moment.

Genie, I really can’t add much more than what Michelle has said. You seem to recognise what direction you want to take with Jay to make it work the best possible way it can and the fact that you are able to vent on her now before getting anxious and doing something you regret in terms of your relationship with Jay is great development. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you two!

Michelle,

I do hope you’re safe back home and adjusting to life after your travels and the endurance test of waiting for flights.

@kkasxo, this has got to be an incredibly anxious time for you with everything that’s going on and what you’re also trying to deal with. Let us know how you’re doing.

Sammy,

I know exactly how you feel right about now. Everything hurts. Existing hurts. I know. There is no magic cure. It’s gonna feel that way for a while. Questions will flood your mind, your brain will desperately seek answers, some sort of reasoning or logic, however that’s nigh on impossible to extract when in a state of severe anxiety and loss.

I think there are some attachment issues, as there were for me. But they can be figured out in time. The thing about loving someone with everything you have…we feel it’s an automatic quid pro quo that they must reciprocate it back…..it’s the least they can do, for all we have given. Life doesn’t work that way though I’m afraid. Yes you gave him your all, but that doesn’t mean it was exactly what he wanted or needed. Everyone in life has different needs and wants, it’s not that he wants someone better, he may be happy with someone who would give much less than you. But the point is, it’s not you for him. That’s okay. It’s so so painful, it hurts, you WANT to be it for him, but nothing in this world can make another person love us. We can’t MAKE another person do anything, just because WE want it sooooo bad. I’m not saying this to be hurtful, because i promise you, I honestly know exactly how you feel, as you can read above, I’m not exactly on a pedestal of self love and acceptance. But what you need to do right now is just survive. Just for now. Just survive. I would stop drinking….honestly it helps no-one. Literally no-one, it will only make you feel worse and you will avoid getting sober then cos dealing with a hangover on top of heartbreak is like a fate worse than death. So ditch the booze would be my advice and just try and survive each hour until a day is done. The try and make it to the weekend. and so on. I do promise you though that this pain WONT last. I absolutely promise you that. It’ll be with you for a bit, it’s the initial stages, but it eases off. So remember in your worst moments….this too shall pass.

Take care all.