Hey all. How’s everyone doing?

@Genie. Cheers but I don’t really think of it as brave exactly. It’s just dealing with whatever life throws at you in the best way that you can. Like I’ve said many times ( often irritatingly 😉 ), you can’t control life and make yourself safe without shrinking your world so small that it isn’t really living. Sure, I freak out occasionally over the ‘what if’s’, especially if I spend too much time on Google. So like any anxiety or fear, you learn the triggers and you manage them differently. And then you get on with living your best life – which is what DoR’s advice was all about.  It doesn’t make my advice/perspective any better/worse, like DoR, it’s why I didn’t share the news as people do react to that, rather than the message.  All of this is about building up your own ability to tell what is worth is considering for you and what isn’t – without being governed by fear. You’re doing well and it sounds like Sammy has come a long way too.  I understand your guilt about DoR leaving but I think it’s misplaced.  If anything, it was my message they’d considered but he/she is clearly someone who makes up their own mind about to do – and they have chosen to focus on the people closest to them. At this point in their life, they have much bigger things to worry about – which was the point they were trying to make afterall. You have no way of knowing if they did/didn’t read our appreciation for them and that’s ok. What matters is that you expressed it honestly.

@Sammy. You sound like a different person already. I’m happy to hear DoR gave you the kick required and look forwards to hearing you continue to move forwards and on to better things. Deleting all contact is a great step but I love that you will look to surround yourself with better people. A huge part of a great life is about removing things that aren’t good for us, even if we really want/enjoy them. Figuring out those choices and actioning them is awesome.

@CB Yeah it sucks getting used to your new reality when it isn’t one one wanted or choose for yourself. It can make you feel very powerless if you let it. But this is your life and at the end of the day the only one who can improve it is you.  I’ve seen a lot of people in your situation turn very bitter and never being able to let go of the anger at your ex for moving on and taking your life away. I’ve also seen a lot of people get stuck in hope they will come back and it will all return to normal. Neither of those things work out well for you – what you need to focus on is accepting your new reality. I would strongly expect that your ex has been edging to this for the last few years at least as he has built up his own life outside yours. So it isn’t a surprise to him and it’s something he wants – which is why it seems so easy for him to move on.  You need to accept that caring for the family is no longer your defining role in life. And that’s why it’s scary – you probably have no idea who you are without that role to define you. But is was only that – a role. It isn’t you. There’s a way out of this which leads to a new you – and it is up to you whether that person has a meaningful, loving, happy life or if you get stuck pining for the old one. No – it absolutely isn’t easy and everytime something happens to remind you of the fact that life is gone, it’s going to hurt. All that got me through was clinging to the thought of that future me – and doing my best in small things everyday that helped bring her a little closer. I hope that makes some sense and helps.

@Shelby. Yeah – amazing what can become a privilege that we used to accept for normal eh. It’s bizarrely a great way to appreciate the little things again for sure. Being able to get a bag of flour at our supermarket will feel like a huge win when it happens!  I love that you are learning Spanish – it is absolutely one of the best travel languages and I love you are already thinking about your next adventure. I admit I’m a little stir-crazy not being able to plan out any travel – our UK Gov has just effectively banned it ‘indefinitely’. If so, I’ll have to emigrate!  Hope the test result comes back ok and all your family are doing well.

Take care all.