Dear Alyana

It is important to have healthy boundaries and the strength to maintain them and I commend you for that.

Healthy boundaries also applies to having the disinterment and knowing when to ‘speak ones mind’.  (picking one battles) My rule of thumb is to pause and ask myself where my need to respond is coming from. Ego, to teach a lesson, be right, defend myself, protect myself… Not that I wouldn’t ‘speak my mind if say it was a ego thing, just that knowing why I’m responding is helpful.  I also remind myself that any response can be used against me, possibly keeping the door open to further unhelpful dialog.

Finally I  wanted to comment on your statement: “I used to feel guilt about that because you’re supposed to love your family” Sometimes ending a relationship and or creating strong boundaries to keep distance is a act of Love. Love does not require us to ‘Like’ someone nor does it require that we have a relationship with them. Love may ask you to let go of a desire for revenge, hurting them, resentment, even in time anger and quilt, etc, as such things require maintaining a kind of relationship.