April 3, 2020 at 11:20 am #346876
Hey, everyone. I’m back.
I’m over my family drama. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I realize now that they’re never going to change. I have to accept people for who they are and not who I want them to be.
I’m on Day 20 of my quarantine. I would rather be anywhere else than with them and I used to feel guilt about that because you’re supposed to love your family. Now I have no qualms about people who separate from their loved ones. If it gives you inner peace, I’m all for it. I know I am safe and protected. I’m not even going to go on social media as much because people are toxic.
Why should I bite my tongue to not hurt someone’s feelings? I’m not a doormat. It makes me feel angry and frustrated because it wasn’t my stepbrother who was the only one causing this. I have to follow my own path. I need to look out for myself.April 3, 2020 at 11:34 am #346930
Dear Aiyana Henderson:
What a powerful testimony! It is a breath of fresh air for me to read this. Indeed, you do need to the one to be looking out for yourself. When the price of being with family is the life experience of a doormat, then your family is not doing you any favors!
“I would rather be anywhere else than with them”- I understand: you would rather be someplace where you are not a doormat. You would rather be anywhere where you are treated with respect.
What has been happening in your home in the last two weeks, would you like to share (it may help for you to share, or it may not, your choice)?
anitaApril 15, 2020 at 5:59 am #349614
Hey it’s me. I was just crying for over an hour. I’m not feeling like myself right now. I don’t have a history of depression. Basically, I messed up my bank account and I’m trying to not think about the unthinkable. I have had issues handling money in the past. I’m a fraud. I can’t be an independent adult because I was delusional about it.
The only way I can process this is through here and my Oracle cards. The tears won’t stop. Please don’t be concerned for me. I’m sure the crying will stop eventually.April 15, 2020 at 9:48 am #349640
Dear Aiyana Henderson:
Thank you for asking me to not be concerned with you, that’s very kind of you. But do tell me (not specifically, as in with numbers), how did you mess up your back account?
anitaApril 15, 2020 at 1:36 pm #349714PeterParticipant
It is important to have healthy boundaries and the strength to maintain them and I commend you for that.
Healthy boundaries also applies to having the disinterment and knowing when to ‘speak ones mind’. (picking one battles) My rule of thumb is to pause and ask myself where my need to respond is coming from. Ego, to teach a lesson, be right, defend myself, protect myself… Not that I wouldn’t ‘speak my mind if say it was a ego thing, just that knowing why I’m responding is helpful. I also remind myself that any response can be used against me, possibly keeping the door open to further unhelpful dialog.
Finally I wanted to comment on your statement: “I used to feel guilt about that because you’re supposed to love your family” Sometimes ending a relationship and or creating strong boundaries to keep distance is a act of Love. Love does not require us to ‘Like’ someone nor does it require that we have a relationship with them. Love may ask you to let go of a desire for revenge, hurting them, resentment, even in time anger and quilt, etc, as such things require maintaining a kind of relationship.April 15, 2020 at 2:46 pm #349730
I got scammed from a fraudulent email and my parents weren’t happy about it. Now I have to fix the problem on my own. I’m still glad that they’ll never go on this website.
And Peter, I appreciate your feedback on that. I establish boundaries right now by spending a lot of time in my room. I thought if I had done things through my actions, they would get the point. Apparently with them, I have to use words and actions. I’m also going to look up the law to see what they’re entitled to. There’s no way one of their names can be on my bank account. I know I made mistakes with it before, but if I learn how to manage money, I won’t make those mistakes again. They don’t even have to believe me. I believe in me. Because everything they’ve said for me these past ten years at our house has been nothing but unnecessary opinions. You should hear my stepdad. He’s a real Jarhead. He has this stupid motto “Work smarter, not harder.” That’s just insulting to me. It’s like you’re implying to someone that they’re an idiot through and through. I’m not surprised though. He has a low tolerance for idiots.
Anyway, I’ll have to use the law, boundaries, and my basic rights as a human to prove that I can live independently.April 15, 2020 at 4:13 pm #349738
Dear Aiyana Henderson:
Good to see your smiling face in the photo, by the way, makes me smile back at the pretty face smiling at me!
I am sorry you got scammed, and hope you will fix the problem and in doing so, maybe you will prevent others from being scammed by the same scammer.
“I’ll have to use the law, boundaries, and my basic rights as a human to prove that I can live independently”- you don’t have to prove it to your mother and her partner. You only have to prove it to yourself.
anitaJune 9, 2020 at 5:30 pm #358071
The mail system got sorted out.
I am taking more breaks off social media and everything is okay at home again.