Hi Felix,

Hope you did take a look at my response on your other post about the issues “you think” you have about your height.

Regarding this post,

Really it comes to down everything that @Brandy said. Your fear of rejection, your insecurities about being short and doubts about your family – This girl is not going to fix you (or for you). You definitely will have to be happy with yourself, the way you are or if something is in your control start making changes in your life that will make you happy. Or accept the way about the things that are not in your control (like height). See my other post, you always have the control over your thoughts no matter how worse a situation is.

And yes even if she goes ahead and marries you there is no guarantee that you will be peaceful and in acceptance with yourself. And only if YOU are happy and joyful you will be able to extend that happiness towards her and towards your married life and then in the outside world.

Also @anita has given you two valid options and you have chosen the second one.

But your fears and insecurities are holding grip of you.

You are stuck and on the fence.

And you also do not want to be in “inaction” and lose the girl because of your shyness and other fears.

So then what to do?

“While” you follow the things mentioned in @Brandy’s post about improving yourself, and it is also in line with the action you chose from @anita’s post, I suggest you one more thing-

Do the smallest thing that you will be able to do to get in touch with her. That should be absolutely smallest step. This step (or whatever you do) should be so small that it doesn’t bother you. It should be like “Okay so what if I do this. That’s fine.” It could be just liking her photos. Or maybe just a “clap” smiley. Or maybe just writing one word on her post as “Good” or “Nice”. I will not know what that would be for you about which step will not make you anxious. You would know that. Maybe you are already hitting likes on her pics. Then take the next smallest step.

Your mind is currently thinking of a very large scenario about things that have not even happened. And that is what causes  negative emotions like fear, anxiety or shyness. And this happens to everyone of us.

Taking a very small step deceives our brains’ built-in resistance to new behaviors.

For now keep doing this and do not think of any long conversations or chit-chats that you had planned. But do not look or sound too clingy that you are responding to every single post of hers and liking every photo, etc. Clingyness is not love. Also learn to stay detached yet having the feeling of love. Also keep in mind that along side you are going to work on yourself based on the above post or anything else that you like and makes you happy.

You will soon become comfortable with those single word replies of yours and then its time to take the next smallest step. maybe two words now -“Very nice”.

This technique is the Kaizen way. It may be slow but the results are long term. You can apply this to any other issues too.

There are definite chances that even she may approach talking to you after seeing your responses. Or there may come a time that you are fine or just comfortable enough to start a conversation with her.

Now, because you have also mentioned that she is in another country, you won’t know what’s really going on in her life about things like whether she is seeing somebody or not. So if you think you are making slow progress and that she will slip away from you then in that case it becomes a “do-or-die” situation and you will have to forget everything and muster the courage to speak up to her.

This is all life is about my friend with all of its complications and insecurities, for every one of us

Keep posting your progress.

Thanks.