Hi Dom,

I wanted to say that I have the exact same question as you for quite some time and have finally found a way to resolve this paradox which seems irreconcilable. During my years of studying psychology, i came across this therapy called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) created by Marsha Linehan. One of the key therapeutic technique she shared was radical acceptance, which is similar yet different to simply “accepting”. Radical acceptance means accepting the past & present for what it is, and yet also knowing that in the future, nothing is set in stone yet and YOU have the power & ability to make positive changes that you hope to see.

For instance, we can try to achieve a goal and work towards it, hoping to manifest what we dream of. However, if there are setbacks or hiccups along the way, we need to learn how to accept it and in response be flexible & adaptable about managing it. You mentioned how can this be applied to a brutal relationship, I feel like it’s not always about accepting things for what it is if it’s actively causing you distress and unhappiness. Acceptance is important, but self-love is even more important. In fact, we choose acceptance to free ourselves from pain. Its basis is respect and love towards oneself. I’m sorry for what you may have been through, and also very glad that you’re in a much better place now.

So in conclusion, my thoughts on how to reconcile the paradox would be learning how to practice ‘radical acceptance’. I came across this article: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-importance-of-practicing-radical-acceptance_b_592da801e4b0a7b7b469cd99 . I hope it enlightens you (: