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May 1, 2020 at 10:19 am #352450JillianParticipant
I’m somewhat experiencing the same feelings as you do now! I recently met a guy whom i really admire as a friend, but i think that admiration has slowly turned into a crush, liking and perhaps a lil of love especially due to the distance caused by the COVID situation (they say absence makes the heart grow fonder..?) Haha. And it’s also frustrating sometimes because i wanna take it slow first.
Enough of myself haha. My point is that, we may be afraid when getting closer to a person as it’s something very new, and being easily affected by another person makes us feel vulnerable. But honey, i think loving anyone or anything actually involves a certain degree of risk. And to take this leap of faith we need courage, which is not exactly something easy to muster all the time. I’m not sure how long have yall known each other, but i feel that your heart actually knows what it wants. Even if he’ll be leaving soon, is it possible to still stay in contact over video calls to nurture the relationship? It’s actually so rare and precious to meet someone whom you adore so much and he feels the same way back. If you are scared of what was to happen as this progress, ask yourself will you feel totally alright if you kept silent about this thing, when it could potentially blossom into something if you decided to take the leap of faith. It’s scary, but do you think it’ll be worth it? (:
Lastly, the future is really uncertain, more so than it has ever been. Perhaps this is also teaching us to live in the present moment, savour the good times with ure loved ones while we can. All the best <3May 1, 2020 at 10:19 am #352448JillianParticipant
I wanted to say that I have the exact same question as you for quite some time and have finally found a way to resolve this paradox which seems irreconcilable. During my years of studying psychology, i came across this therapy called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) created by Marsha Linehan. One of the key therapeutic technique she shared was radical acceptance, which is similar yet different to simply “accepting”. Radical acceptance means accepting the past & present for what it is, and yet also knowing that in the future, nothing is set in stone yet and YOU have the power & ability to make positive changes that you hope to see.
For instance, we can try to achieve a goal and work towards it, hoping to manifest what we dream of. However, if there are setbacks or hiccups along the way, we need to learn how to accept it and in response be flexible & adaptable about managing it. You mentioned how can this be applied to a brutal relationship, I feel like it’s not always about accepting things for what it is if it’s actively causing you distress and unhappiness. Acceptance is important, but self-love is even more important. In fact, we choose acceptance to free ourselves from pain. Its basis is respect and love towards oneself. I’m sorry for what you may have been through, and also very glad that you’re in a much better place now.
So in conclusion, my thoughts on how to reconcile the paradox would be learning how to practice ‘radical acceptance’. I came across this article: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-importance-of-practicing-radical-acceptance_b_592da801e4b0a7b7b469cd99 . I hope it enlightens you (: