Dear gamer:

I read your recent post and re-read previous posts. His state of mind reminds me of the title and some of the lyrics of the song Stuck in the Middle with You (1972): “.. Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you/ And I’m wondering what it is I should do.. Trying to make some sense of it all/ But I can see that it makes no sense at all.. Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you/ Stuck in the middle with you, here I am stuck in the middle with you”.

Here is some of what you shared: “He said he felt he was in the middle. On one end he wants to end things and the other end he wants to stay together and fix things.. he said he was stuck in the middle of making a decision. On one end is us ending, and the other is giving it a chance… He said he could not think properly and that is why he’s stuck.”

When you told him that you “wouldn’t want to be with someone who questions whether or not we should be together. He responded saying how it’s not being unsure but it’s making the same mistakes again  if we were to be together”-

– what he told you, that “it’s not being unsure” is untrue. His state of mind, being stuck in the middle, is all about being unsure. So why did he say it’s not being unsure while it definitely and clearly is about being unsure..

No wonder you are confused: he is unsure and yet he tells you he is not unsure, denying what is true and pointing you to another direction (“making the same mistakes” etc.), as if you were  on the wrong track when you brought up the unsure part.

And then, at 7:40 pm he sends you a message saying hat “he would like to fix things, and that is his decision. He asked me if I trusted his word and his decision”- did he trust his word and decision? I doubt it. When you asked him why the change, he told you that he “was taking a shower”, felt better and that’s the reason.

My conclusion this morning: I think it is way better that you end all your interactions with him today. It is possible that there is an element of dishonesty in his stuck in the middle state of mind. I say this because he denied being unsure, pointing you to another direction, away from the very reality of the situation.

There is also an element of him trivializing you and the prospect of resuming the relationship with you: asking why he changed his mind last evening, his answer: because he took a shower.

It is not fair to you to be stuck in that unpleasant middle with him while he is “leaning more towards” this way or that way, at different times. It is also unwise for you to voluntarily be in that middle with him: there is no benefit in you interacting with him at all while he is stuck in the middle, and it confuses and distresses you, understandably.

My recommendation: send him a message that you are removing yourself from that stuck-in-the-middle status with him by initiating No Contact (NC) with him for the rest of May of this year. You can add to your message a link to that song I mentioned.

If he calls or contacts you after the NC, do not respond to him- let me know what he said and we can discuss it and take it from there.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by .