Dear gamer:

“He asked me how I was doing and immensely apologized.. for all that he had done, what he  had said.. He was frustrated with life and himself and he was overthinking and being anxious about us and that’s why he said it.. He apologized even more and asked if there was anything he can do to help me feel okay”-

– problem with his apology is that it doesn’t offer you any new information. You (and I) already know that he is stuck in the middle, and that he leans one way when he feels worse and the other way when he feels better (ex., after he took a shower, he felt better and leaned toward getting back together with you).

So he apologizes and then.. what happens next time when he feels frustrated? He didn’t say anything about that, did he.

It is similar to a person stepping on your foot, then apologizing profusely: I stepped on your foot because I was frustrated with my life, I am so very sorry, is there anything I can do to make your foot feel better? Some time later, he steps on your foot again, and you say: why are you doing that again?! And he says: oh, I am so sorry, I was frustrated with my life yet again. Is there anything I can do for your foot?

“during friendship and beginning of dating, he put so much effort in. He made me feel so loved and valued. I was so, so happy.. I questioned if this was real.. Now.. he doesn’t even put a fraction of time and energy or even effort. He does say he loves me and cares for me but doesn’t show me at all”-

You questioned earlier if his love was real. It was probably real but what if it was time limited and it has expired. What if you still love him and he doesn’t love you back.

I imagine, being stuck in the middle, he sometimes feels that he doesn’t want you in his life. Sometimes he feels guilty for that, and he apologizes.

In summary: his apologies changed nothing in the reality of the situation. The only thing his apologies mean is that maybe he feels badly for hurting you. It doesn’t mean that he is no longer stuck in the middle.

I understand that you grew very attached to him and to the love he once showed you, but that love is no longer there. What replaced his love for you is something that is breaking your heart (“Heartbroken” is in the title of your thread). Grieve that “madly in love” of the past, that is now gone, on his end. I know it hurts, but you will hurt more if you keep waiting for what is no longer there.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by .