Dear Ravi,

maybe the article triggered me a little bit, because I fear that I am not always authentic or true to myself. I want very much to be honest and kind to people. Those values are important to me. But sometimes I was a bit too polite and not that honest.

When someone mistreated me once, I still wanted to resolve the issue amicably, I still wanted to be polite. Now I think, if someone treats you this bad, it’s time to throw politeness out of the window!

Or with this one friend, I wanted some space for myself, she was so demanding! Also her words to me were sometimes pointy. I grew more and more angry at her over time. It would have been better if I had discussed my feelings with her openly, and told her that I was feeling hurt and angry. Instead I wanted to be nice and this perfect person and ignored my own feelings. Then I let the relationship fade away slowly by not initiating contact. I still feel unhappy about this.

I do not want this to happen ever again! I want to be true to myself, not be overly polite (although I value politeness in everyday situations, no need to be disrespectful to anyone!). It is best for me and the other person.

Sometimes I still am angry at myself for how I handled those things in the past, feeling guilty for not being consequent enough and for not telling others what I want. But I was very confused myself and barely knew myself what I wanted… I somehow have to forgive myself.

Well, what I wanted to say, because of these things, I think some of the words from the article hit me (sorry I wrote down so many details, but it helps me to understand myself better). Because the things discussed there hit too close to home (I think this is the saying, right?). So for this reason, it was probably important for me to read the article.

You wrote: “we think that saying “no” to someone means we are being unkind but that is not the case”. That is true and I want to work on that, being kind to myself and to others.

Thank you also for the website suggestion. I took a quick look at it and will check it out more later!

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