Dear anita,

it is also very nice weather here and everything is in bloom! I can even hear swallows already, so summer is not far away! During my walks this week I also saw a lot of birds nesting and baby wild geese and ducks. I always take my time to observe nature and smell the flowers (the lilac is blooming right now and I love the smell of it). Maybe tomorrow or so I also want to bake bread with fresh herbs in it.

About being socially responsible, I am not always. Sometimes I did not reply in months, especially if the person lived farther away and we were not that close. Then I would feel bad about myself and lost a friend. So I want to improve myself and not do that again.

My sister has a social worker that helps her and he gave her the idea that she could collect all her letters and documents over the week and then have a set day where she goes through them. It sounds like a very good idea to me, and I could use the same tactic and also when it comes to answering letters or mails. This reminds me, I like to watch the youtuber muchelleb, who talks a lot about self-improvement and organizing your life. She has a “life admin day”, where she does all the little things that pile up. That would also a good idea for me. Maybe next Thursday will be a good day to have a life admin day (I am telling you to make myself accountable).

The second thing about that is, I need to know better what I want and communicate it. Now I am more aware of my feelings. Best to first check with myself, how I feel and if I actually have the time before saying yes to somebody. Then I can be more true to myself and also be more socially responsible and keep my promises. Then I will feel so much better about myself!

In the past week I was thinking more about this topic and it seems more clear to me now. This was probably were most of my problems came from: not telling what I want or how I feel, trying to please others without paying attention to my own feelings. So at least in theory, I see this more clearly. Next step will be to practice it.

That brings me to my friend. The next time she does this again, I will say something asking in a gentle way, like you suggested. But she has already told me before that she is bad at replying. I asked if it is o.K. if I call her then and she said that she is happy if I call her. So at least she doesn’t seem to have a problem with me, it is just that this is the way she is and I also know she is busy (this calmed me a bit). I just wish to have more regular contact with her. Before the pandemic I suggested to her that we could go to a class at the gym once a week and she said yes. Sadly this is not possible at the moment.

Since she met her boyfriend and a lot of new friends through him, we have less contact. Mainly I am sad about this, after all she was the one who called me her best friend and said she loved me. Now I feel a bit forgotten. The best thing would be to talk about it with her. I also do not want to be too demanding, but I still want to stay in contact.

Now  think I will go for a walk, it is such a sunny day today (it was a bit too sunny during the last weeks, not enough rain for the plants). Later I plan to draw for my project. Hope you are having a good day and a nice weekend!