Dear Anita,

How does one cultivate a “realistic with a touch of optimism perspective”? I used to be optimist. Despite the depression and anxiety, there was always hope in my heart. Now I am having such a hard time finding it. It’s like I have been knocked down so many times in the past years, how do I find the strength to carry on? It feels like leaving my ex and moving out took the last of my strength. And as I am writing this, what comes to my mind is that I probably simply have to wait it out. Be as gentle to myself as I can be. Cry when needed. Rebuild my strength slowly. This has worked in the past, maybe it will work again.

Your remarks on my ex’s lack of use of his IQ are spot on. This is exactly what I kept telling myself… and then I would find him excuses for being so selfish and inconsiderate. I see this clearly now.

Perhaps I am doing the same thing with P. Being too understanding. As I mentioned in a previous post, sometimes I tell myself “OK now I am putting an end to this”. I write him an email to let him know…and I don’t send it. When I decided to end things with my ex, things were crystal clear in my head. They are not when it comes to P.

Yes, indeed a relationship with a single man would be better… I was still with my ex when I met P so the fact that he was already involved was fine by me. My situation has changed however, but not his…

Take care,

Isabelle